i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Less talking, more tequila
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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