I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
