I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
