Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
