found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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