She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
