There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
