i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
