i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
