what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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