I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
