How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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