My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
