...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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