found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
