I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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