uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
