I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
