we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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