Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
