Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
