I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
