I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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