Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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