it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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