She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
