Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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