I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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