On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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