I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
