So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
