last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
