after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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