I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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