Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
