she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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