Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
