Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
