6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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