I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
