people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
