During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
