Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize