ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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