Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
