All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
