They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
