I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My dick has a subreddit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize