Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
