Sry I called you an 8
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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