giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
