I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
