dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
