My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
