Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
