I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
