Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize