YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
