is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
