like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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