the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
