I smell stomach acid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
