Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize