He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize