I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
