You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
