I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
