Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
