Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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