you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
