Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize