I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
