Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
