I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is the high leading the old right now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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