Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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