Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
