I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cut my penus on the lid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are the jesus of drinking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
