Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
