p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
