I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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