I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
