Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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