hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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