Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
