I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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