Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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