JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
