Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
