He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
