my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
