she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
