Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
