Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
