you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want her autograph on my taint
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
