I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
