Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
